The Great Leveller: Best Served Cold, The Heroes and Red Country Read online

  The Great Leveller

  Joe Abercrombie

  Best Served Cold

  The Heroes

  Red Country

  www.gollancz.co.uk

  Praise for Joe Abercrombie:

  ‘Joe Abercrombie’s Best Served Cold is a bloody and relentless epic of vengeance and obsession in the grand tradition, a kind of splatterpunk sword ’n sorcery Count of Monte Cristo, Dumas by way of Moorcock. His cast features tyrants and torturers, a pair of poisoners, a serial killer, a treacherous drunk, a red-handed warrior and a blood-soaked mercenary captain. And those are the good guys . . . The battles are vivid and visceral, the action brutal, the pace headlong, and Abercrombie piles the betrayals, reversals, and plot twists one atop another to keep us guessing how it will all come out. This is his best book yet’

  George RR Martin

  ‘A satisfyingly brutal fantasy quest. Best served cold? Modern fantasy doesn’t get much hotter than this’

  SFX

  ‘Joe Abercrombie is probably the brightest star among the new generation of British fantasy writers . . . Abercrombie never underestimates the horrors that people are prepared to inflict on one another, or their longlasting, often unexpected, consequences. Abercrombie writes a vivid, well-paced tale that never loosens its grip. His action scenes are cinematic in the best sense, and the characters are all distinct and interesting’

  The Times

  ‘Spiked with cynicism, and indeed spikes, Best Served Cold has as much in common with a classic Hollywood caper as it does with the rest of the genre. Moral ambiguity, hard violence, and that weaving of laughter, horror and pathos make it breathe, though the brilliant characters are what really make this soar. This is the highest grade of adult, commercial fantasy we have seen for quite a while’

  Deathray

  ‘Abercrombie is both fiendishly inventive and solidly convincing, especially when sprinkling his appallingly vivid combat scenes with humour so dark that it’s almost ultraviolet’

  Publishers’ Weekly

  ‘Storms along at a breakneck pace. Each character has a history of betrayal and a wobbly moral compass, giving further realism and depth to Abercrombie’s world. The violence is plentiful, the methods of exacting revenge are eye-wateringly inventive and the characters well fleshed out. A fan of Bernard Cornwell’s historical escapades could easily fall for it. Believe the hype’

  Waterstone’s Book Quarterly

  ‘All in all, we can’t say enough good things about Mr Abercrombie’s latest addition to the genre. It’s intelligent, measure, thoughtful, well paced and considered, but retains a sense of fun that has flavoured the rest of his excellent biography. We can’t recommend it enough’

  Sci Fi Now

  ‘This is deep, dark stuff but it’s a mark of that nice Mr Abercrombie’s talent that he can wrap such complex themes in the kind of rip-roaring adventure that is so utterly compelling that, from the first page, it is impossible to put down’

  Sci-Fi London

  ‘Abercrombie weaves a dense plot, but not at the expense of the pace, and casts an ensemble of gritty, odd but always interesting characters to undertake Murcatto’s revenge. Fans of Abercrombie’s work will not be disappointed by his latest offering, which features all his usual hallmarks: cold steel, black comedy, fully realised characters and internecine struggles, both personal and epic’

  Dreamwatch

  ‘Abercrombie writes dark, adult fantasy, by which I mean there’s a lot of stabbing in it, and after people stab each other they sometimes have sex with each other. His tone is morbid and funny and hardboiled, not wholly dissimilar to that of Iain Banks . . . Like Fritz Leiber you can see in your head where the blades are going, what is clanging off what, the sweat, the blood, the banter. And like George R. R. Martin Abercrombie has the will and the cruelty to actually kill and maim his characters’

  Time Magazine

  Title Page

  Praise

  Best Served Cold

  Cover

  Dedication

  Title Page

  Benna Murcatto Saves a Life

  I – TALINS

  Land of Opportunity

  The Bone-Thief

  Fish out of Water

  Six and One

  Bloody Instructions

  II – WESTPORT

  Poison

  Science and Magic

  The Safest Place in the World

  Evil Friends

  Two Twos

  Plans and Accidents

  Repaid in Full

  III – SIPANI

  Fogs and Whispers

  The Arts of Persuasion

  The Life of the Drinker

  Left Out

  A Few Bad Men

  The Peacemakers

  Cooking up Trouble

  Sex and Death

  That’s Entertainment

  What Happened

  IV – VISSERINE

  Vengeance, Then

  Downwards

  Rats in a Sack

  The Forlorn Hope

  Mercy and Cowardice

  The Odd Couple

  Darkness

  The Connoisseur

  Vile Jelly

  Other People’s Scores

  The Fencing Master

  V – PURANTI

  Sixes

  The Eye-Maker

  Prince of Prudence

  Neither Rich nor Poor

  Heroic Efforts, New Beginnings

  The Traitor

  King of Poisons

  No Worse

  Harvest Time

  The Old New Captain General

  VI – OSPRIA

  His Plan of Attack

  Politics

  No More Delays

  All Business

  The Fate of Styria

  To the Victors . . .

  So Much for Nothing

  Shifting Sands

  VII – TALINS

  Return of the Native

  The Lion’s Skin

  Preparation

  Rules of War

  One Nation

  All Dust

  The Inevitable

  Thus the Whirligig . . .

  Seeds

  All Change

  Happy Endings

  Acknowledgements

  The Heroes

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Order of Battle

  BEFORE THE BATTLE

  The Times

  The Peacemaker

  The Best of Us

  Black Dow

  What War?

  Old Hands

  New Hands

  Reachey

  The Right Thing

  DAY ONE

  Silence

  Ambition

  Give and Take

  The Very Model

  Scale

  Ours Not to Reason Why

  Cry Havoc and …

  Devoutly to be Wished

  Casualties

  The Better Part of Valour

  Paths of Glory

  The Day’s Work

  The Defeated

  Fair Treatment

  Tactics

  Rest and Recreation

  DAY TWO

  Dawn

  Opening Remarks

  The Infernal Contraptions

  Reasoned Debate

  Chains of Command

  Closing Arguments

  Straight Edge

  Escape

  The Bridge

  Strange Bedfellows

  Hearts and Minds

  Good Deeds

&n
bsp; One Day More

  Bones

  The King’s Last Hero

  My Land

  DAY THREE

  The Standard Issue

  Shadows

  Under the Wing

  Names

  Still Yesterday

  For What We Are About to Receive …

  The Riddle of the Ground

  Onwards and Upwards

  More Tricks

  The Tyranny of Distance

  Blood

  Pointed Metal

  Peace in Our Time

  The Moment of Truth

  Spoils

  Desperate Measures

  Stuff Happens

  AFTER THE BATTLE

  End of the Road

  By the Sword

  The Currents of History

  Terms

  Family

  New Hands

  Old Hands

  Everyone Serves

  Just Deserts

  Black Calder

  Retired

  Acknowledgements

  Red Country

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  I: TROUBLE

  Some Kind of Coward

  The Easy Way

  Just Men

  The Best Man

  All Got a Past

  The Stolen

  II: FELLOWSHIP

  Conscience and the Cock-Rot

  New Lives

  The Rugged Outdoorsman

  Driftwood

  Reasons

  Oh God, the Dust

  Sweet’s Crossing

  Dreams

  The Wrath of God

  The Practical Thinkers

  The Fair Price

  III: CREASE

  Hell on the Cheap

  Plots

  Words and Graces

  That Simple

  Yesterday’s News

  Blood Coming

  The Sleeping Partner

  Fun

  High Stakes

  Old Friends

  Nowhere to Go

  IV: DRAGONS

  In Threes

  Among the Barbarians

  Bait

  Savages

  The Dragon’s Den

  Greed

  V: TROUBLE

  The Tally

  Going Back

  Answered Prayers

  Sharp Ends

  Nowhere Fast

  Times Change

  The Cost

  Last Words

  Some Kind of Coward

  Acknowledgements

  About the Author

  Copyright Page

  BEST SERVED COLD

  JOE

  ABERCROMBIE

  Table of Contents

  Dedication

  Title Page

  Benna Murcatto Saves a Life

  I – TALINS

  Land of Opportunity

  The Bone-Thief

  Fish out of Water

  Six and One

  Bloody Instructions

  II – WESTPORT

  Poison

  Science and Magic

  The Safest Place in the World

  Evil Friends

  Two Twos

  Plans and Accidents

  Repaid in Full

  III – SIPANI

  Fogs and Whispers

  The Arts of Persuasion

  The Life of the Drinker

  Left Out

  A Few Bad Men

  The Peacemakers

  Cooking up Trouble

  Sex and Death

  That’s Entertainment

  What Happened

  IV – VISSERINE

  Vengeance, Then

  Downwards

  Rats in a Sack

  The Forlorn Hope

  Mercy and Cowardice

  The Odd Couple

  Darkness

  The Connoisseur

  Vile Jelly

  Other People’s Scores

  The Fencing Master

  V – PURANTI

  Sixes

  The Eye-Maker

  Prince of Prudence

  Neither Rich nor Poor

  Heroic Efforts, New Beginnings

  The Traitor

  King of Poisons

  No Worse

  Harvest Time

  The Old New Captain General

  VI – OSPRIA

  His Plan of Attack

  Politics

  No More Delays

  All Business

  The Fate of Styria

  To the Victors . . .

  So Much for Nothing

  Shifting Sands

  VII – TALINS

  Return of the Native

  The Lion’s Skin

  Preparation

  Rules of War

  One Nation

  All Dust

  The Inevitable

  Thus the Whirligig . . .

  Seeds

  All Change

  Happy Endings

  Acknowledgements

  For Grace

  One day you will read this

  And be slightly worried

  Benna Murcatto Saves a Life

  The sunrise was the colour of bad blood. It leaked out of the east and stained the dark sky red, marked the scraps of cloud with stolen gold. Underneath it the road twisted up the mountainside towards the fortress of Fontezarmo – a cluster of sharp towers, ash-black against the wounded heavens. The sunrise was red, black and gold.

  The colours of their profession.

  ‘You look especially beautiful this morning, Monza.’

  She sighed, as if that was an accident. As if she hadn’t spent an hour preening herself before the mirror. ‘Facts are facts. Stating them isn’t a gift. You only prove you’re not blind.’ She yawned, stretched in her saddle, made him wait a moment longer. ‘But I’ll hear more.’

  He noisily cleared his throat and held up one hand, a bad actor preparing for his grand speech. ‘Your hair is like to . . . a veil of shimmering sable!’

  ‘You pompous cock. What was it yesterday? A curtain of midnight. I liked that better, it had some poetry to it. Bad poetry, but still.’

  ‘Shit.’ He squinted up at the clouds. ‘Your eyes, then, gleam like piercing sapphires, beyond price!’

  ‘I’ve got stones in my face, now?’

  ‘Lips like rose petals?’

  She spat at him, but he was ready and dodged it, the phlegm clearing his horse and falling on the dry stones beside the track. ‘That’s to make your roses grow, arsehole. You can do better.’

  ‘Harder every day,’ he muttered. ‘That jewel I bought looks wonderful well on you.’

  She held up her right hand to admire it, a ruby the size of an almond, catching the first glimmers of sunlight and glistening like an open wound. ‘I’ve had worse gifts.’

  ‘It matches your fiery temper.’

  She snorted. ‘And my bloody reputation.’

  ‘Piss on your reputation! Nothing but idiots’ chatter! You’re a dream. A vision. You look like . . .’ He snapped his fingers. ‘The very Goddess of War!’